Asking the right questions

You are here: Home / Archives for coaching questions

coaching questions

If you were to die in 1 minute, would you be at peace? You can only answer yes or no. If the answer is “No” what can you do about it right now?

//  by //  Leave a Comment

This question came from Andy Smith who goes by the fabulous name of “Changesmith”

I love it because it is so “Andy”. When we worked together many years ago, we were not in the same team or even the same function and I used to have to walk down 4 flights of stairs to find him!

However I always made the trip in person to seek his counsel when I was enthusiastic about an idea because he was so pragmatic, sensible and wise that he would help me to explore why it might not work…but what I could do to make it better!

He has an amazing moral code and is a throughly nice bloke. Thus his challenging question works if you ask it from the heart and make it safe for people to answer with their heart too.

Thanks Andy

Resilience – Why it really matters…

//  by //  Leave a Comment

In exploring this topic, I went straight to a great consultant who I’m really lucky to have in my contact list. Based in Switzerland, he works privately and with a couple of large consultancies, helping Executives and their teams across Europe and Asia to increase their personal performance.

I love that his advice is practical and do-able. I can absolutely vouch that what he has recommended for me personally has had amazing results. The 5 minutes of exercise in a morning has been a revelation. I now fit in more exercise than I used to – without having to “find the time” – which inevitably never happened. My advice is to take what you already do and add in the things that will have the most impact for you personally. I’m still not great with the wine on a school night though…ho hum!

Here is a sneak preview of the content for our our new postcard for a super fast summary of what becoming more Resilent entails…

And over to Oliver. As you will read, he has the “H” of our THRIVE model pretty much sewn up…

ENERGY AND THE VERY BAD DAY
or
Maintaining your energy and building your resilience

By Oliver Lewis-Roberts

A VERY BAD DAY

1. The radio alarm goes off playing Sonny and Cher.
2. You wake up, in your rush to get the kids ready for school, feed the cat, take out the bins and get to work on time, you miss breakfast, or grab a quick bowl of high-sugar Flavios that sends your kids hyper.
3. Your commute sucks, you name it – train, bus, bad weather, traffic jam, it makes you late and sucks out a little bit of your soul.
4. You’re stressed, you missed breakfast so you’re hungry. You grab a muffin, a cake, or a chocolate bar from the coffee shop with your morning latte.
5. You have a morning of meandering meetings with people who all want something from you, or talk too much with little very little impact or purpose. You’ll never get that hour back.
6. As you grab your third coffee of the day, you chat to a colleague who’s in ‘I’m gonna bitch to you’ mode about all their disappointments and dissatisfactions. Have you slashed your wrists yet?
7. Because of the *YAWN* meetings, you’re still catching up with the normal stuff, so you either skip lunch (lunch is for wimps anyway, right?) or grab something quick and carb-y from the canteen and wolf it, wash it down with some more caffeine/sugar-filled Coca-Fango.
8. More meeeeeetings.
9. You get the afternoon lull and brain-fog, so you down an energy drink, some chocolate, or coffee number six.
10. You finally get back to doing some proper work but end up answering a bunch of oh-so-urgent emails.
11. The commute home is no more life-enhancing than the morning’s and is mostly taken up by finishing the emails and messages you accumulated during the day. You turn to Facebook to switch off only to get depressed by how lovely your best friend’s holiday looks. It’s raining here.
12. Your only laugh of the day so far is a funny video on YouTube. For Fenton’s Sake!
13. You walk through the door at home still focused on work on your phone, blanking your partner/kids/flatmate/dog/cat/hamster. They get in a mood with you. What an evening you’re going to have.
14. …and it’s only Monday.

How do you feel now? A little deflated? Sorry to dump that on you but, I bet that most of you reading this will have had days like that. If not every day, then often enough to drag you down. Shit happens, right? Well yes, but the way you prepare and deal with it can change your life.

ENERGY AND RESILIENCE

Solutions to life or work problems can often be counter-intuitive. We keep trying harder and harder at something and achieve nothing more than tiredness and frustration. You know that fly in your home that bangs its head on the glass 500 times in a bid to escape, completely ignoring the open window one metre away? I bet you look at the fly and think ‘how stupid are you?’ If your days are a bit like the one I described, then you could think the same about yourself.

I can only get away with that because this is a blog and you can’t punch me right now. Kidding. You’re not stupid, you just can’t see the glass in front of you. We are all blind to things when we have low energy. We lose resilience and even the little things can kick us in the Wotsits (not a high-energy snack). The final straw, as they say. You’re not stupid, you just need to make a step sideways and see the gap in the window.

What’s the answer? Resilience is about mental toughness, right? Well, no, not really. Mental toughness could be an outcome of working on your energy and resilience, but it’s not a character trait. It’s not inherent, or guaranteed, it requires attention. The good news is that if you do the things I’m suggesting, then your energy will grow, and your resilience will grow, and you will develop mental toughness as a result. People who overcome hurdles can become stronger than the people who seem to have it given to them on a plate.

Energy and resilience come from activities and habits that look after you physically and mentally. You’ll have heard of all the things you can do to train your brain to perform better; puzzles like Sudoku, crosswords or practising mindfulness, and yes they all work. The reality is, you can do one thing, and it will make a difference, but it will be a small difference. The way to get a big impact is to do a whole bunch of things, and create something that’s bigger than the sum of its parts. Think the Beatles, or Take That.

Most of the clients I work with are pressured, stretched, time-poor and energy-bereft, so the things I suggest are designed to be either a) short and sharp, b) easy to do, and c) involve you removing things which result in you having more time.

I know you can fit them into your normal day.

How arrogant, right? Well, I would call it confidence based on first-hand experience. Going back ten to twenty years, that bad day I described would have been what my days looked like. And this stuff fixed me. But I’m not you, I hear you say. No, I’m not you, but I can promise you, as human beings, you and I share more in common than we do differences. And all these things benefit you as a human being. It really isn’t rocket science, but it is science and it works.

WHAT TO DO FOR A GOOD DAY (EVEN IF SHIT HAPPENS)

Before you read the list, please park the scepticism. Open up your mind, get a can opener if you need to. Most of this is super-simple and takes no time, but if you aren’t doing them, they won’t work. Try them and they will give you more energy which will, in turn, impact your work and your friends and family. In a good way. Take a deep breath and dive in…

1. Wake up, drink water first, 2 decent glasses full: You will have dehydrated overnight. Water is one of the main fuels for the body, use it. Often. Have the first coffee of the day at 40+ minutes into your day, the cortisol levels in your body peak just before you wake, waking you up, the effect of this hormone lasts a little while after you wake, so coffee first off is not needed.
2. Stretch or do some light exercise: Set the alarm for 10 minutes earlier, do some push-ups, planks, squats, sit-ups, even a 5-minute set will do wonders, and anything is better than nothing. This is not just to get you fit (although, duh, that’s not a bad idea), exercise releases cortisol in the body, which will help wake you up even more. A study in the US showed that 10 minutes of taking the stairs gave the equivalent boost to ingesting 50mg of caffeine (what you get in a can of a C***), you’re not going to take the stairs yet, but you get the idea.
3. Eat a good breakfast: Eggs (no more than 2-3 a day, cholesterol!), low-sugar/high fibre cereal (look at the packets!), wholegrain bread, the brown stuff with lumpy bits in it. This will lessen the urge to pick up something nasty from the coffee shop. It’ll make you poo better too, which is a good thing.
4. Your commute: Download a meditation app and use it, watch the scenery go by and do some simple breathing exercises. All of this will help you maintain a calm and solution-oriented mind, and will stop a bad commute from sapping your soul. Don’t meditate while driving!
5. Now take the stairs, walk, anything other than a lift or an escalator. Walk the escalators in the London underground. They make your life comfortable, but they also turn your legs and brain into mush.
6. Meeting Schedules: Don’t be an Outlook slave; you’ll end up rushing from one meeting to the next with no down-time. Schedule meetings for 20 or 45 minutes, yes, it lets you do that! Get your colleagues to do it too. Use the extra space to drink water, go to the loo, take the stairs, have a snack.
7. Meeting Methods: Have a walking meeting, if there’s only two or three of you, what’s gluing you to that seat? Get some air, not more coffee. If it was good enough for Aristotle…
8. Write personal intentions or objectives for meetings: Don’t go in there waiting for them to wash over you, take some control back. I don’t mean a task list, you probably already have that. I mean, what do you want to get from this meeting? What are you going to do to make it productive? Remind yourself of these before you walk in.
9. Snack well and regularly: Ditch the muffins and chocolate bars for a while. Get some High protein, low carb, low processed-sugar snacks like nuts (unsalted, not too many) or dried fruit, some protein bars are good (but read the nutritional info, avoid high sugar levels). The sugary stuff gives you spikes in blood-glucose, which also gives you come-downs (the afternoon lull).
10. Coffee: Be strategic, limit your intake and don’t have sugary flavoured shots. Drink good coffee or tea. Switch to fruit or herbal teas in the afternoon. Caffeine in the afternoon will stop you from sleeping well. Stick to having it when you need it for a boost (e.g. important meetings). Come off the 8-cups-a-day habit, you’ve just immunised yourself to the benefits.
11. Water: Did I mention water? Always have water with you, drink it regularly, even with a coffee (like the Italians, they know about this!), get a sports bottle and take it to meetings with you. The brain is 80% water, so guess what happens if it doesn’t have enough?
12. Have a good lunch: 1/3 protein, 1/3 vegetables, 1/3 carbs. Avoid the overly carb-y lunch, this is one of the things that gives you the afternoon lull. But remember, you are allowed a treat now and then! If you’re trying to lose weight, then reduce the carbs to 1/5 and up the veg, you’ll still feel full and energised, but with less calories.
13. Sleep during the day: Power nap (yes, seriously!) 10-15 minutes is enough. You don’t have to fall fully asleep. Find a quiet place or even in your car. There are apps to help you do this. Much better than Angry Birds. There is a substantial uplift in energy and co-ordination, that way outstrips the 15 minutes you spent napping. Caught napping? Well done!
14. Block times in your calendar: For emails or for focusing on projects, so you can really concentrate on the important tasks without distractions. Even turn your emails off for a while if it helps, and no, the world will not end.
15. Your home commute: Ignore Facebook. Reflect on the day, include what went well in your reflections as well as the tough stuff. What choices can you make tomorrow that will give you a better day? And again, meditate (even just for the last 10 minutes – not while driving!) or breathe, or enjoy the scenery or the other people on the train or bus, there’s nowt so queer as folk. Finally, spend 2-3 minutes before you walk through the door breathing to relax and think about how you want to be perceived by your family as you walk in. Switch off work calls/emails/messages for the first half-hour at home. Focus on you and them as a family unit. You can always take time to catch-up on work a little later if you really have to. Your evening will go much better (I promise!) and that will energise you for tomorrow.
16. Alcohol: Don’t drink too much on a school night, you do the other stuff listed here, you won’t need to ‘take the edge off’ so much. That’s not to say a glass of red isn’t ok, just not the whole bottle on a Monday night!
17. Evening Exercise: This is one to watch. If you work out close to bedtime, it can cause trouble getting to sleep, same as in the morning, it increases your cortisol levels, but just before bed this is not a good idea. Do something, but in a lunchbreak, the early evening, or in the morning. Keep longer workouts for the weekend.
18. Bedtime: Spend the last 30-60 minutes before bed without TV or a device. Read or do some other relaxing activity before sleep. Plan for your sleep just as you would plan for your day. It’s the best rest and recharge you can get, pay it respect.
19. Repeat from step one tomorrow, and guess what? The good day can turn into a good week.

TOO MUCH?

If you are a sensible person, then you probably do at least some of these things already. But also notice, most of these things takes less than 5 minutes to do, and the rest will give you time back in return. All of them will give you more energy, and make you more resilient for when the shit stuff happens.

There’s much more to this than just dealing with one day; how to deal with days coming up you know will be bad, how to lead bring your team along with you, more on the psychological stuff, the physical stuff, dealing with travel and so on. But that’s for another time, I can’t give all my secrets away in one go.

What I can say is that the people I know who stick to this stuff regularly and consistently, and I do it too; they have more energy every day and are therefore more resilient and ready to deal with the shit in a much more productive way. They are more successful as a result. The crime is, they don’t usually tell you this stuff on an MBA program or a leadership workshop.

A FINAL NOTE OF ENCOURAGEMENT

If it all sounds too much, or even just a little bit dull, remember Grandma’s advice: Everything in moderation. I am not suggesting you stop partying on a Friday night, or don’t enjoy that desert guilt-free after a good meal out, or even all of that nice bottle of red. Just be strategic, and let go when you know it’s okay to. The lesson here is that the good stuff is great, but only until it’s not great anymore. You will know where to draw that line. And, if you think you have already crossed the line, or are heading towards it with a whooshing noise in your ears, then maybe it’s time? It really isn’t rocket science, it’s a simple choice.

Lastly, if you want to make a lot of changes to your work and life habits, then find a close friend or colleague who you can trust and will help you (not a partner, it’ll just end in tears), use them for coaching, encouragement, to confide in and to work together with. And if you want someone professional to help you with it, let me know, I might know someone. Now, where’s my bottle of water…?

http://linkedin.com/in/oliver-lewis-roberts-mcipd-4127999

oliver.lewis-roberts@hotmail.com
Zug, Switzerland

What is one thing you would do differently tomorrow if you were faced with the same situation?

//  by //  Leave a Comment

I was donated this question by Victoire, who is a Learning and Talent Development Coach with Hilton Hotels. Victoire has a really impressive CV including an MA in Business and an MSc in Organisational Leadership. Unsurprisingly with that background, what impresses you is her absolute commitment to strive to get a clear commercial result for her coaching. We all know how difficult that can be to quantify sometimes. 

I was so pleased to have the opportunity to present her with her card in person when was asked to do a Masterclass with some of the HR Leadership team at Heathrow recently on the Psychology and Neuroscience of Change. Thanks again for this great question Victoire. I’ve used this card quite a few times since!

For more resources for Business Leaders and Coaches, visit our main website at www.profitablyengaged.com

What would you do today if you knew you could not fail?

//  by //  1 Comment

“So what’s your favourite question then?”  One of my coaching friends asked me this recently when I asked them to share their best question.

I guess it is only fair that if I am sharing yours that I share mine too! So here it is. It’s not “mine” though. I found it on a greetings card in a gift shop about 10 years ago. I kept the card for ages waiting for the right moment to give it to someone. It took me all those years to realise I had actually bought it for me. So I sent it to myself…

It’s still a question I ask myself often. I hope it might be one that helps you too.


I liked this question so much that I put it on the back of my first business card…

What is stopping you?

//  by //  Leave a Comment

Alex is a fantastic coach and one of the most uplifting people you can spend an hour with. A must read is her brilliant book It’s all just rock and roll…A Terrifically Truthful Tale of One Girl’s Bust Up with Breast Cancer. 

 https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1533088357/ref=cm_sw_r_em_tai_c_j2APyb4TBVWNA

I love her question because it cuts the the chase and makes anything possible…A bit like the lady herself!

Find out more about Alex at http://www.alexjagger.com/

I hope you will try this question today and unlock something magical for someone.

How would you feel if you did nothing?

//  by //  1 Comment

It was fantastic to be asked to work the internal coaches at Hilton Worldwide in order to expand their coaching skills. This was a great question asked by Rebecca. Not only is it brilliantly simple, but hats off to her for asking it in the moment – whilst being observed by 2 other coaches who were going to give her feedback!

It was voted by Simon Plumbe, her ILM7 qualified coaching observer, as his “question of the day.”

Let us know if you use it and it unlocks something for someone you are working with. 

Thanks Rebecca!

If you could think of failure as a bruise and not a tattoo, what would you choose to do? 

//  by //  Leave a Comment

Had a great lunch with Director of Engagement, Peter Grazier over the summer.  He has shared this fab question that helps us question our relationship with “failure” with the Top Right Questions Community.

Use it and let us know if it unlocks something fantastic for someone… 

Thanks Peter – your coaching wallet including the favourite questions from some of our other contributors is photographed below and is in the post!

The website is up and running again at Profitablyengaged.com – thanks for your feedback so far – really appreciated. Let me know if there are any other useful coaching resources that you would like to see up there. Now that is up and running I’ll be posting more regularly again !

If you have a question that really works then please do share it  – write to me at dulcie@profitablyengaged.com or just post it as a comment here. I’ll create a card for you and send you a set for you to use when you coach to say thanks.

What is top right thinking?

//  by //  Leave a Comment

The top right quadrant is the “good” box – the STAR – at least according the Boston Matrix.

The same 2×2 matrix is used throughout business and usually it’s the same – the top right box is the one that delivers real commercial performance and creates businesses that the best people love to work for.

Top Right Thinking is a business that is all about understanding and using the science and research that enables us to be at our best at work. With the end goal of translating that into STAR level profit.

The first time I saw someone draw a cross on a piece of flipchart and then put 2 axis on it and name them, I was amazed. I thought they were super clever, really business savvy and fantastic on their feet.

I have since used the same matrix probably over 1000 times to describe how to get success in just about anything you do.

Thus a reference to “top right” – this is the best box, the STAR, the one where you have relatively low investment for the biggest rewards – became a bit of a mantra of mine. Who doesn’t want to be in that box ?!

I use this in my coaching and mentoring every day. I challenge people how to be better, but with the lowest time expended possible. This isn’t because my clients are lazy. Quite the opposite. But they are time poor (aren’t we all ?!) So the best result I can get for them is a superior performance, but with only a relatively small investment of time or money.

So far so good. Sounds great ? Now the hard bit. You may have to do some things you really don’t want to do. And unfortunately for us, the way our brains are wired to work is that we can always find really compelling and logical reasons NOT to do those things – despite our best intentions. So here are my 3 rules for success. Easy but not easy. That is easy to understand, easy to say, easy to remember. But really hard to do. But that’s where I come in. I can help make it happen.

Rule 1 – Find out what is really getting in your way. Get feedback you won’t like. In order to do this you need to make it really safe for people to tell you the truth – probably including something that you don’t want to hear…

Rule 2 – Given Rule 1, decide how much you really want the superior performance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know – you REALLY want it. So why won’t you get it ? Well one brilliant study found that even when people were going to die if they didn’t make changes to their diet and lifestyle, only 2 in 10 actually made the change. 8 died instead. Clearly some of those REALLY wanted to live…So what’s going on there…Bluntly chances are they wanted it but their brains still wanted to hold onto the unhelpful things too. Rule 2 is face facts. Getting what you want probably means giving something else up.

Rule 3 – Get some help. Our brains are wired to trip us up. Coaching works because a good coach can help you see what your personal trips are and help you avoid them. If it was easy to do it for yourself you would have done it already. People have often asked me what makes a good coach. I’ve given lots of textbook answers over the years. But the one I like now is:

A Good Coach…

Someone who helps you tell yourself the truth. And someone you trust enough to say that truth aloud with, however ugly it might sound or however vulnerable it makes you feel.

That’s it. Easy. But not easy.

Top Right Performance starts here…

For more information visit Profitablyengaged.com

Great coaching questions to get “Top Right” performance

//  by //  Leave a Comment

 I have worked with some fantastic fellow coaches and I asked them for their best questions. Questions that really get results. And here they are. 


I thought it would be great to have a place to share them. I quite often spread them out on a table when I am with a client and we are “stuck”. When we both know there is something we want to explore or somewhere we want to go and we can’t put our finger on it. I ask my clients to pick the card they’d like to answer. And the one they really don’t want to answer…And we ask ourselves how those selections help us see what needs to be explored…

Top right performance is a reference to the Boston Matrix – the STAR performer is always in the top right corner. I explain coaching to people using a version of this Matrix – with trust and rapport on one axis and challenge and stretch questions on the other as per the picture below*. 

Thus coaching for me is the provocative and productive thinking you get from using high levels of rapport and trust to ask challenging questions.  

Let me know what your favourite “Top Right” questions is. I tend to publish a selection on the reverse of the business cards for my performance coaching business Profitably Engaged. That way, if I’m ever in need of some quick inspiration for a coachee or myself, I have some brilliant questions to hand. Let me know if you don’t want your question to be shared more widely and of course I will respect that.

Here are some questions I have on my cards right now (and of course the great coach I have to thank for sharing their favourite top right question):

What will you have to give up to make room for your goals ? (Thanks Nicola)

Imagine it is 6 months from now and things worked out exactly as you wanted. What had to happen ? (Thanks Nick)

How does that decision match up to who you know you are ? (Thanks Katie)

Who is the most inspirational person you have worked with and what would they do in your situation? (Thanks Rob)

If you had a super-power what would you do ? (Thanks Amanda)

What would you say to your best friend if they were feeling like you do today ? (Thanks Simon)

What’s the one question you don’t want to be asked right now ? (Thanks Nikki)

What did you do well today and how could you do more of that ? (Thanks Caroline)

It would be great if you could share the best question you asked (or were asked) today and add it to the comments section below.

*This might remind you of something you have read somewhere and you are right ! – It’s not new, it’s an adaptation of the model explained further in Challenging Coaching by Blakey and Day. Great ideas should always get proper credit!

Different Ways to use GROW

//  by //  1 Comment

Everyone who coaches knows GROW. Love it (me) or hate it, you can’t deny its simple power. But it gets a bad press sometimes, which is a shame because it’s inventor, Sir John Whitmore will tell you, it was never intended to become a model or mantra. Thus personally I find it a bit annoying that it sometimes seems now to be a guilty pleasure for coaches, or something you have to “prove” you are now above and beyond to be any good…

Well I’m not really buying that. I have a bit of a theory that those of use who were trained to use it as our primary model, probably don’t “use” it consciously that often. But I reckon if you listened to my interactions and conversations and those of the great leaders or coaches I admire, most of the good conversations that get results and leave people feeling motivated, usually have a G,R,O and W in there somewhere.

Many people I’ve helped to learn coaching tell me they think of GROW as a tool for a “proper” coaching conversation. They will sit down, get in the zone and use it when they “remember to put their coaching hat on”. That’s great. Coaching is a simple soul, it’s us that make it complicated. When I teach coaching I talk a lot about the fact that you will do little or no harm and potentially lots of good in the world, if you shut up and listen and use GROW to ask reasonable questions in a linear way.

But how about a way to use GROW in the moment? When the “Goal” is not up for grabs and something just needs to be done, (JFDI moments will always exist in the real world)

I’ve found we can still help ourselves and others to think bigger and better, even if we only have a few moments. Because a few moments means you can ask a few questions. And if you can ask even 2 or 3 questions, you have a chance of raising the bar on whatever it is that happens next. I use GROW in 3 different ways and talk about them as Skip G, WOW and GROW to help others learn. There will be much cleverer people who have way better names. But they are my versions in my head so I’m kind of stuck with them now.

Here’s how the first one – SKIP G goes:

This feels like a more honest and robust way to JFDI.  OK in real life often the goal is not up for grabs. But how about the rest? Ever given a direct instruction, to a person who is generally pretty good at their job, made it as clear as crystal, and it’s still not done?…How about a way to get JFDI without the F and that doesn’t rely on you checking or always being there to make sure it got done…

So Skip G and try cutting to the chase and asking some sequential questions about the:

R(eality) “What is really happening here ? Then ask something around..
O(ptions) “So what could you do?” and then something around…
W(hat’s Next)”So what are you going to do and by when ?”

That’s why it’s called Skip G…

That’s it…It is really simple, but I can promise you that it works.

I’ve included an example below in case you want a bit of a laugh (at my expense!) But if you don’t have time to read that, don’t worry. Just try Skip G out today or even better in the next 30 minutes (we all know what will happen to that good intention if you leave it until tomorrow…) and see what happens…

I’m not totally proud of all of the example that follows, but hey this is Skip G in real life, rather than pretend perfect world, where none of us ever put a foot wrong and everyone we coach has never experienced the “magic”of coaching so you look like a genius. You know what – it still works…

Me: So X isn’t done. We both know it needs to be done by tomorrow.
[We just “Skipped G”…Sorry – of course, you got that without my help…]

You: I know, I know but you know how back to back I have been this week. It’s just not possible.

Me: Ok. Let’s cut to the chase.
[Fair enough I may not have said “chase”…]
Me: What is going on with X? I don’t mean the busyness or the resource, I mean, really going on? My hunch is X is never going to get to the top of your list? And given it needs to be at the top, probably before the end of today, can you just be honest so we can talk about why it’s really not getting done and stop pratting about?
[You don’t need to berate me for multiple questions or non-coaching language – I already did loads of that for myself] 

You: Honest there is nothing. I’m just really busy

Me:
[Absolutely nothing…I put on “The silence won’t kill me” record  and set “repeat” in my head]

You: Honestly, really.

Me:
[The silence won’t kill me…the silence won’t kill me]

You: I hate it when you do this.

Me:
[The silence really won’t kill me…They don’t hate you…Stay still, stop tapping your foot]

You: Ok, we could be here forever. I don’t want to, alright ? X is boring. I don’t see the point of it. And I don’t see why I should do it, when John is sat there doing next to bugger all and I am really, really busy this week.

Me:
[Phew – thank you God/Neuroscience etc]
So given it needs to be done, you are accountable for getting it done, but I don’t mind how you do it, what are your options ? And being clear, not doing it is not one of the options available to us.

You: Dunno. There aren’t any options.

Me:
[Here we go again…The silence…etc]

You: Why do you do this to me all the time ?

Me: What ? Ask a question and then shut up and let you think?
[I realise I just broke the silence and the “don’t be a smartarse” rules of coaching – told you, no one is perfect and definitely not me…]

You: We both know how this plays out. 

[In the longish pause I repeated the silence mantra and totally resist the urge to say “What you come up with some really great ideas to solve your own problem”. I reflect then and after that I am so getting better at the “Don’t say out loud what is on your mind all the time Dulcie” thing…]

You: Ok so I could find a way to make it less boring. I could ask you what the point of doing it is. But there is no point in that because to be fair, you never ask me to do things that don’t really need to be done. Or I could ask John if he minds helping me because actually he likes that sort of shit.

Me: Ok Sounds great. What else ?
 [I may imagine the look of “Seriously? We are really doing “what else” as well”…]

You: I did think the other day about asking the new graduate to do it, but I probably left it a bit late to ask them now.

Me: What makes you think they would think it was too late to be asked ?

You: I don’t know actually. They aren’t like me. They seem to like a bit of last minute adrenalin pumping.

Me: So what’s the best plan ?

You: I think I’ll ask the grad, see if they are cool with it being last minute. If not, I might ask John…but to be honest I might just do it quickly myself.  Maybe, just thinking about it, with the grad observing so they can do it next time?

Me. Cool
[Think: did that Skip G just work again. Either I’m a genius or this neuroscience/psychology stuff is really brilliant]

You: You are not a genius you know. You just ask me annoying questions that seem to work.
[I could have left that last bit out but it actually happened and made me laugh, I thought it might make you laugh too.]
So go on, give it a go. What do you have to lose ?

There will be some really clever people out there working out why this works, even when it is with a cynic like you (or me !). But don’t worry about that. Just give it a go today and let us know how you got on. It’s take’s a bit of thinking about and the silence bit is hard for some of us. But it’s not bloody rocket science…

How about a way to use the great principles of GROW for a quick conversation in the lift ? (I call that WOW) Or a snatched 5 minutes over a coffee because you and one of your team have been desperately trying to catch up all week because they are off on a course all next week and it’s been one of those weeks? (What, that never happens to you ?! – Log off ! You don’t need this blog, you are way too sorted for us !). I call that GROW to help others learn. So more on those next time…

Work Life Balance – For Real

//  by //  Leave a Comment

I set up Profitably Engaged because I strongly believe it is entirely achievable to have a great work and home life. And still achieve your goals…probably at a higher level than you believe possible.

Someone very wise once said to me “Achieving a lot AND being happy is not bloody rocket science, Dulcie, but you need to pay attention to some really good brain science…”

We are all born and all die. The only other thing that is constant for everyone is that we all have 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. You, me, Einstein, JK Rowling, Rembrant, Steve Jobs…no one has more or less.

So what do we do when we are short on time, but big on ambition – for ourselves and for other people?

My kids (5 of them…told you I was short on time !) asked me what I did for a job. I said that when someone is good at something, whatever that is, I help them to be even better. They obviously asked how. I said that I help people to find the 1 or 2 things that are stopping them being absolutely brilliant, rather than just good at something. And then I help them to fix it. But I try to keep it really simple.

My youngest daughter asked me more “Are you bossy when you do that Mum?” I had to admit “Yes I suppose I am…But I try to be really nice as well, because being just bossy doesn’t really work.” She asked “Do so scientists say that being nice is important too and is that why you do it?”  Busted. By an 8 year old. Oh well…

So that’s me in a nutshell. Please share you in a nutshell and your ideas. Let’s create a bit of a revolution where you don’t have to spend your whole weekend reading a self-help guide or the latest management bible to make a change and see the difference. But let’s hold each other’s feet to the fire too. Let’s be honest about what does and doesn’t work. This is no place for things that are great in theory only – I am definitely a make it count in cash terms kind of person !

I love brain and people science. But made simple. One idea at a time. So you can change your mind fast. And help others do the same. And weirdly (or not if you know some of this already!) get much better results and make more money. In a lot less time.

Making the most of your talents – whether at work or at home is not rocket science or the stuff of MBAs or a thousand self help guides…perhaps it just seems so because there are a lot of people, with a lot of career time or money invested, that need us to believe it’s more complicated than than it actually is…

Here are some things I didn’t used know. But now I know I know them, they are really useful

None of us are ever the finished article.

When we stop trying to be perfect and let ourselves off that hook and accept that we learn more from failure than we do from success, we really get momentum.

Your world can become a better place, one conversation at a time. But meaning to have the conversations doesn’t work.

You can create great new habits if you give things a go. Doing the same things that don’t work so well is not a great habit.

We can help each other by sharing what we learn – both when it goes great and when it bombs…

We are all short on time and  big on ambition. (StBAM for short) Let’s learn from one another to make big things happen – one quick, small change at a time

Let me know what you think…

Read more on some other sites I contribute to:

Profitablyengaged.com

ShortOnTimeBigOnAmbition.com

TeaBreakTraining.com

Itsnotbloodyrocketscience.com